


I swore you liked the other Murphy

by Mars_Stars



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alcohol, Crushes, I'll add more tags as the story goes along, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pining, Self Harm, Suicide mention, drug mention, self harm mention, they are really gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:49:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11400096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mars_Stars/pseuds/Mars_Stars
Summary: People swear Evan likes Zoe but he likes the other Murphy. He can't possibly like him back right? Nope. He liked him back but swore he liked his sister.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo hope you like this I'll add more tags as the story goes along.

Evan Hansen likes a Murphy. Was it obvious? Jared always teased Evan about it. Evan tried to see a glimpse of them whenever he could all summer. Their long brown wavy hair bounced as they passed in the hall. Their crystal blue eye that someone could fall in if they really looked. Their smile, which Evan rarely saw, was beautiful and made Evan want to smile from ear to ear. Evan liked him so much.   
Oh.

You thought he meant Zoe Murphy?

Nope. Connor Murphy.   
His wavy long hair that people thought was weird. His crystal blue eye as his other was only half blue and half brown. The rare smile. He saw it once or twice. It was small but, Evan adored it. It made everything feel safe. But everyone thought, they swore, Evan liked Zoe. Evan said he did so his therapist didn't question him and his sexuality. And because of Jared. Do we need an explanation there? 

Connor Murphy liked a boy. He acted like he didn't know he existed but, god he liked him so much. Evan Hansen. Yes, the hair and nail polish insults were true. Connor was gay. But what was especially true was that there's nothing with it. But he hung out with Jared the whole time. He despised Jared. Calling him a school shooter. If it wasn't for Jared, he would've talked to Evan and at least befriend him. 

First day of school and Evan was freaking out. He had a cast now because of a horrible reason. He had tried to kill himself by falling out of a tree. He was scared of what would happen. If someone asked how he broke his arm and he spit out what actually happened. He walked into school where Jared and his obnoxious jokes were waiting for him.   
“Hey Evan. How did you-did you break your arm from jacking off?”, He spoke. Evan blushed. “N-No! Jared!” Jared laughed. “I can just imagine you with Zoe Murphy’s Instagram pulled up on your phone and you-”  
“JARED STOP!”, Evan whispered. But loudly too. Jared was cackling already. “Okay…but what really happened?”  
Oh god.   
“I um, I f-fell out of a tree…”, Evan blurted out. “Well, acorn, that's super sad…”, Jared started. He spoke more but Evan didn't pay as the Murphy siblings walked in. There Connor was. He looked miserable but beautiful. He looked like he had already been through hell that morning. God, Evan fell for this kid.   
“...hello? Earth to Evan?”, Jared said, snapping Evan's attention. “S-Sorry. I z-zoned out.” Jared stared and looked behind him, “Oh...Zoe Murphy I see…thanks to her Instagram you have a broken arm…”  
“Jared that's not what happened!”  
“Fine if you say so!”  
Connor heard them and looked at the two. Jared laughed, “Hey, Connor! Loving the new haircut. Very school shooter chic.”  
Silence and the tension of Zoe and Evan watching this unfold.   
“I was…kidding. It's...just a joke…”  
Connor frowned, “Oh yeah, I know it was funny I'm laughing, can't you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you?”  
Jared chuckled, “You're such a freak…” No one but Evan saw the heartbreak in Connor. “C’mon, Evan. Let's go.”, Jared said while taking Evan's arms and walking away. But Connor watched Evan walk away. 

Okay, not the best start to a day. 

Jared refused to sit with Evan that day. So Evan was sitting at a table in the corner. All alone. He started to eat his lunch but didn't expect the next part to happen. Connor Murphy walked over to Evan. “Hey, Evan, right?”, he asked. Even though Connor knew. “Uh..y-yeah.”, Evan stuttered. “Okay. Mind if I sit?”, Connor asked. Evan nodded. Connor sat down next to him. It was silent. And awkward.   
“What happened to your arm?”, Connor asked. “Oh, I uh, um I fell from a tree..”, Evan muttered. “You fell from a tree? That's the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard.”  
“Yeah...I know.”  
“I'll sign it.”  
“Y-You will?”  
“Yeah.”, Connor said while pulling out a sharpie. He wrote his name in big letters and it seemed he was writing something else small on the cast. “Th-Thanks.”  
“No problem. Well, I gotta go. Text me.”, Connor said while quickly walking away. Evan blushed and looked at the cast. Under the name, there was a number. Connor’s phone number. 

So today got better.


	2. Texting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texting conversations after school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took awhile! I had to delete docs but it's back and we're all good it's good

Evan sat in his room staring at the phone number. Should he text him? Was Connor just messing with him? He thought for another moment. He was going to do it. Text him. Text Connor Murphy. Okay. Let's do this.   
Evan: Hi. This is Evan. Evan Hansen. You gave me your number today.  
Evan threw his phone across the bed. “God why did you do that he's only messing with you besides he doesn't and never will like you how could he-”, he rambled but was interrupted by a ding.   
Connor: hey Evan.   
Well, that was a quickly resolved panic attack.   
Evan: So, why did you give me your number?  
Connor: I wanted to have a friend.   
Evan: Oh. Thanks for choosing me? I'm sorry I don't know how to respond with this without sounding mean or anything.  
Connor: Don't worry. And ye. No problem. Sorry I don't know what it's like having a friend. You do because Kleinman but I don't know.  
Evan: Jared is a family friend who uses me for car insurance. I don't know either.  
Connor: Oh fuck. That stinks. Well I won't use u for that. I just wanted to be your friend that's all but damn Jared  
Evan: yeah he's kinda mean  
Connor: No kidding lol  
Connor Murphy uses lol oh my god he was perfect.   
Connor: ah shit sorry I gotta go. Dinner. I'll ttyl. Bye.   
And just like that, the conversation ended. For now at least. Evan was blushing scarlet. Evan went downstairs to watch tv and pass the time. 

After about 3 episodes of parks and recreation, Evan was still waiting for another text. If that's what friends did, he thought. Evan, who was quite bored waiting, started to fall asleep on the couch. 

In his dream, he was in a forest. It was just him. Alone. He spun his head around to see if he knew were he was. He looked up. He knew where he was alright.  
He had just let go.  
He started to cry. The tears were falling off his cheeks in reality as well.   
“Evan! Are you okay?!”  
He jolted up. It was Connor yelling. Connor was running to him and it looked like he used up all of his energy. “I'm f-fine…”, Evan mumbled. “Sweetie, you don't look fine. What happened?”, Connor replied while kissing Evan's cheek.  
Wait.  
Connor calling him sweetie? A kiss on the cheek?  
Oh no.   
“I um, I fell.”, Evan blurted. “You fell? Oh my clumsy little acorn.”, Connor chuckled. Evan didn't think he could blush so hard ever. Even inside of this dream. “Okay, I'll drive you to the hospital. Come on…”, Connor said while holding his hand out for Evan. As soon as Evan grabbed the hand of Connor, he was woken up. Woken up by, speak of the devil, Connor texting him. Evan grabbed his phone and looked at the text  
Connor: im back. Parents were yelling at me.  
Evan: Why??  
Connor: mom found my pills.   
Evan: oh  
Connor: haven't even been high in almost a week   
Evan: that's...good?  
Connor: sorry I shouldn't nag your ear with this shit  
Evan: No it's fine! Sorry I didn't know what to say with this…  
Connor: it's fine. What are you up to?  
Evan: Nothing really. I woke up from a nap. My mom’s always at work so there's not much to do.   
Connor: Oh okay. What does your mom do?  
Evan: she's a nurse.   
Connor: Oh that's cool.   
Evan: Yeah but she's never home.   
Connor: Maybe I can keep you company later this week?  
Evan: Sure! I never have any plans   
Connor: Cool, okay well see you tomorrow at school   
Evan: Okay see you tomorrow   
Evan shut off his phone and walked up to his bedroom. 24 hours ago, he only had Jared. Now, he has a friend who doesn't use him for car insurance.   
Best part was that they liked each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed and support is appreciated!


	3. Fuck, I'm in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two young men hang out at Evan's house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek! Sorry this was short and quick and not that good of a chapter. The next chapter will be better!!

Evan walked into school with a smile. It seemed this was gonna be a good year. He went to his locker and oh boy. Jared was waiting for him. “Hey Evan, break your other arm from jacking off again?”, Jared joked.   
“Jesus, Jared. Stop.”  
They both looked over to Connor. “Connor? What are you doing standing up for the guy who likes your sister?”, Jared questioned. Evan flinched at that and how incorrect he was. Connor dug his nails in the strap of his messenger bag, “Well, he happens to be my friend. Unlike you who just uses him for car insurance. So fuck off.” Jared was in utter shock. “You're friends with Evan?” Both nodded. “Well, excuse me then.”, Jared chuckled while walking away. “Th-Thanks…”, Evan mumbled. “Don't friends usually do this shit? I don't know. But what's up?”, Connor nodded. “Um, nothing much...you?”, Evan mumbled. “Uh, trying to not die?”, Connor sighed. Evan looked at his cast, “Oh...that sucks.”   
“Yeah…well I should get going before Zoe finds me and yells at me. See ya.”, Connor said while walking off. “See ya..”, Evan said blushing. Connor walked to the bathroom for his daily fuck everyone and everything session. With the occasion cut or scratch on the wrist. And the tears. 

After school, Evan caught Connor about to smoke behind the school.   
“C-Connor!”, he yelled. Connor looked back, “Oh. Hi.”  
“Uh, do you want to come to my house tonight? My mom isn't home until a-about 11.”, Evan mumbled. Connor nodded while throwing the cigarette to the ground. “Yeah sure.” Evan smiled which just made Connor really gay I that moment. They started to walk to Evan's house.   
“I know you like my sister by the way.”  
Evan looked up at Connor, “Wh-What?”   
“You like Zoe. It's pretty obvious. I'm not surprised if she knows. But yeah, I'm just saying that I'm not pissed off.”, Connor lied. He was pissed because he wanted Evan. He was probably in love with him.   
“Oh uh um, y-yeah…”, Evan mumbled while trying to hide the truth. Evan did like Zoe but as a friend only. He thought Zoe was really cool and he just wanted a friend like that. But who he liked was the other Murphy. The one walking right next to him. “You're n-not mad?”, Evan asked, still covering up the truth. “No, but I may get protective. Because she's my little sister. So I will kill you if you hurt her.”, Connor laughed. Evan chuckled as well. But fidgeted with the end of his polo. 

They finally arrived to the Hansen house. They both went to sit on the couch when they saw Heidi was still home.   
“Hi, hone-who's this?”, she asked but with a smile. “Th-This is my friend, Connor…”, Evan said. “Hi, Mrs. Hansen.” Connor greeted. Heidi smiled wider when Evan said the word “friend”. “Hello, Connor! Please, call me Heidi. Well, sorry but I have to go to work now. Bye guys, call if you need anything!”, she said while walking out the door. “She seems nice.”, Connor said. Evan chuckled, “Yeah…” They sat in silence with no clue what to say. “So, Hansen, what do you like to do?”, Connor asked. “Oh, I uh um I like to read, and climb trees, and uh, read about trees…”, Evan mumbled. “You like trees a lot.”, Connor said. “Uh, yeah... I guess that was always my thing. But when I was a kid, trucks were my thing...until...nevermind.”, stuttered Evan. “Wait, can I ask what happened?”, Connor asked, worried he made a mistake. “Um, my dad...he left. So whenever I see trucks, including t-toy trucks, I rem-remember the u-haul truck in our dr-driveway…”, Evan said, fidgeting with his shirt. Connor, who felt sympathetic for his friend, put his hand on Evan's fidgeting hands. They stayed like that for a moment. Not doing anything. Just letting each other’s hands touch. Evan’s heart stopped racing so fast. They were at peace in that moment. But soon, the boys realized what they were doing. They quickly pulled their arms back with a face as red as a tomato. “W-Well, uh that's horrible…”, Connor muttered, still blushing from their moment. “Y-Yeah, um, what a-about you?”, Evan said. “Oh me, well, I get high so that's something, I draw, I read, I try not killing myself.”, Connor said looking down. Evan looked concerned as he glanced at his cast and to Connor. Connor was obviously thinking of something. “C-Connor?”  
“It's the sickening truth.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah...you probably don't get it though...anyways...I'm starting to get hungry...do you have anything to eat?”, Connor said to change topics. “Oh um, my mom probably left money for pizza…”, Evan said. “Mind if I stay?”, Connor smirked. Evan smiled and nodded.   
Luckily, the rest of the night was full of smiles. They joked around and watched tv. It was nice. Just the two of them, without a care in the world for once. Funny thing was, Connor accidentally came out. They were watching tv when a la la land commercial came on and Connor saw a clip with Ryan Gosling and whispered, “Oh my god, Ryan marry me.” They both laughed like crazy and Connor was just glad Evan wasn't homophobic. Which, of course he wasn't. He was bi after all.   
It was starting to get late when Connor had to go. “Ah shit, it's getting late.”, he said as walking up to the door. “Oh okay...see you tomorrow?”, Evan asked. “Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow.”, he said as closing the door behind him. But Connor didn't move. He stood there. Until a minute later he slid down the door and sighed. “Fuck, I'm in love.” Evan, who was already upstairs, threw himself on his bed. “Oh my god, I might be in love.”  
Wait.   
In love?  
What difference is it from liking each other? Liking each other is wanting to be their lover or date mate. In love is wanting to be with them for a long time and seeing yourself with someone for awhile. Maybe even the future. The two said they liked each other. But they realized that night, they were in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nice slip up Connor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a bit :') writers block with this fic

The next evening, Connor and Evan were hanging out once more. This time, at the park. They sat on the park benches.   
“So, how was your day?”, Evan asked. Connor shrugged, “Eh. Could be better. You?” Evan shrugged, “Pretty okay…”   
Well.   
This is awkward.   
Evan was thinking of something to say. He quickly looked at Connor. God, he was so beautiful. Including his hair. His long hair. Oh my god Evan loved his hair.   
“I uh...like your hair by the way…”, Evan spoke. Connor blushed a bit, “Oh, thanks. It's not great. Larry always calls me dumb shit for it. Including the nails. But thanks…” Evan didn't seem to really like Mr. Murphy. “Why does your dad seem like a jerk?”, Evan asked. “Because he is.”, Connor laughed. “That sucks..”, Evan said. Connor shrugged. “I uh…I also like your nails too...I think they're pretty cool…”, Evan said. Connor smiled, “Thanks..why are you being so nice?”   
“Well, don't friends usually act nice?”, Evan asked. Connor nodded, “Yeah...sorry I'm not used to it. And sorry I'm so depressing.” Evan chuckled, “No don't be! I can get pretty depressing too…”   
“Yeah well, I bet you didn't try to commit suicide and fail. Twice for me. Can you get any more depressing than that?”, Connor said. Evan looked at his cast. Best he didn't say anything. “Yeah…guess you can't.”, Evan said. They sat in silence once more.   
“Listen, thanks for actually hanging out with me. No has ever really wanted to since I was 7. Thanks.”, Connor said. “No problem...thank you too..”, Evan responded.   
They stayed on that bench for another hour.   
“Well, it's getting late…you want me to drive you home?”, Connor asked. “If y-you don't mind?”  
“No I don't mind. Come on.”, Connor said while standing up. They walked back to the car.   
When they got back in the car and started to drive to Evan's, Connor drove by a sign for something.   
“Holy shit.”  
“What?”  
“Halloween ad. It's Halloween time. Halloween. That's my favorite time of the year holy shit.”, Connor smiled. Evan chuckled, “Why am I not surprised?” Connor laughed. Connor adored Halloween. Loved it since he was a kid. Connor and Evan smiled the whole way back. 

When they got to Evan's house, Connor walked up with him to the door.   
“You know, Zoe thought I was torturing you.”, Connor admitted. “R-Really?”, Evan asked. Connor chuckled, “Yeah. But I can see why. Local depressed emo kid hanging out with the cute boy next door-”   
Shit.   
He called him cute.   
Fuuuuuck.  
The two blushed. “I uh..um...sorry. That was weird. Sorry.”, Connor spoke. Evan smiled, “No no it's fine…” Evan knocked on the door, knowing his mom was home. “W-Well, s-see you tomorrow?”, Evan asked. Connor nodded, “Y-Yeah. See ya.”  
And Connor left after that. 

Connor was sitting in his room, “Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit…” Zoe could hear him from next door.   
“Connor! Shut up!”, Zoe yelled. “Oh fuck you!”, he yelled. Zoe kicked open Connor's door, “Just shut up!” Connor was curled up hugging his knees.   
“…Connor what are you doing?”  
“I told Evan he was cute.”, he whispered. Zoe ran to Connor and slammed the door behind her. “You. Did. What?”, Zoe asked. Connor sighed, “Called him the cute boy next door.” Zoe started laughing. “OH YOU POOR KID!”, She laughed. Connor buried his face in his arms. “Zoe! This is serious!”, Connor exclaimed. “Okay, yes, I'm sorry. But you called him cute! Like good job!”, Zoe giggled. “Yeah…but he likes you! Not me!”, Connor exclaimed once again. “Yeah, and I like Alana and only him as a friend.”  
“Wait wait wait. You like Alana?”, Connor said. Zoe froze. Connor started laughing. “You! Like! Alana! Beck!”, he said in between laughs. “Shut up.”, Zoe said. “Sorry sorry.”, Connor said. “Well, I’m going to bed. Just good luck.”, Zoe said. She left and Connor went to bed sleeping on the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u liked it!


	5. Skipping school and going to the movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go see a certain horror movie when they're supposed to be at school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT I AM BACK!!!!! HOPE YOU ENJOY

2 weeks had passed.   
Had Connor brought it up to Evan? Nope. He couldn’t even talk to Evan that much. Connor was dying. He was in love with Evan fucking Hansen and was friends with him but he couldn’t talk to him. Fuck. But at least Halloween was coming up, which made Connor the happiest person in the world. But alas,it was only the final week of September. And Connor was dying to see a certain horror movie. 

Connor showed up to school on a fairly chilly Friday and looked around for Evan. He didn’t seem to be anywhere. He ran around the place searching for him. No where. Connor even checked all the bathrooms as Evan would sometimes hide in there a lot. But he wasn’t there. Guess he wasn’t at school that day. He couldn’t find him all day. So lunch was naturally sounding boring. He walked with his lunch of a cardboard pizza slice, supposedly chocolate milk but with a stupid ass cow joke on it, and a banana. Can he get any gayer?  
He walked to the table with the thoughts in his head. He forgot his sketchbook at home coincidentally enough. Fuck. Right as he sat down, another student sat next to him.   
“H-Hi, Connor!”  
Connor looked up to see (the man of his dreams) Evan Hansen.   
“Hey, Hansen. Couldn’t find you this morning where were you?”, Connor asked. Evan chuckled awkwardly, “Didn’t you get my text? I went to the doctors this morning.”  
Oh.   
Well.  
Note to Connor Murphy: read your friends texts that he sends at 6:05 am.   
“Sorry I didn’t read it. So, what’s up?”, Connor asked while pushing his bad excuse as pizza away. “Oh um, nothing much. Aren’t you gonna eat that anything?”, Evan asked. Connor shrugged, “McDonald’s is probably healthier than this. I was planning to skip and get actual pizza and maybe catch a showing of IT and then do god knows what. But guess you ruined my idea.” He giggled. Evan blushed a light shade of pink. “Haha yeah. Sorry.”, Evan said. Oh my god can this kid give Connor a second to breathe like stop being so cute for one sECON D???  
Connor was blushing a bit too. “I would offer to skip with me but you’re too innocent and pure.”, he joked. Evan looked like a scared little kid trying to be tough, “I’ll skip with you!” Connor wanted to laugh. “Evan Hansen? Well shit how much did I hurt you?”, Connor laughed. Evan frowned, “I’m serious!” Connor looked at him to make sure again. Evan agreed. “You’re cool with everything I said?” Evan nodded. Connor smirked as he grabbed Evan’s hand and they dashed out the door into Connor's car.

Had Evan been a fan of horror movies? Nope. Not at all. But here he was, in the car with his crush to see IT of all movies. While skipping school too. God his mom isn’t going to be happy.   
“Hansen, you okay?”  
Evan looked up to see Connor staring at him with a concerned face. A piece of hair was falling over his face as well. God he was cute.   
“Oh u-uh um yeah I’m fine!”, Evan said. Connor wasn’t convinced. “Seriously, what’s up?” He asked. Evan took a deep breath, “Just I don’t r-really like horror movies? And I never do this? I don’t know I’m sorry I’m just anxious sorry.” Connor looked a tad guilty. “Hey you don’t have to come if you don’t want I could drop you off at the school I’m not making you come with me-”  
“No I want to! I’m just not used to it that’s all.”, Evan interrupted. God he was scared. 

They arrived at the movies and it seemed pretty dead. Like they would be after the movie.   
They sat down in the almost empty theatre. Turns out no one goes to the movies at 1 pm on a Tuesday in September. Evan started to fidget in his seat. He started to panic. Connor noticed this.   
“Seriously we don’t have to do this, Hansen.”, Connor spoke. Evan shook his head, “N-No it’s fine! Everything scares me at this point ha ha…” Connor smirked. “Yeah. Same.” The lights started to dim and Connor’s face dropped. “Especially this.”, Connor admitted. Connor Murphy was scared of the dark oh my god. “You? Afraid of the dark?”, Evan whispered. Connor smiled, “It’s more likely than you think.”

So the movie was scary as shit.

Evan was completely horrified, but Connor was paralyzed with fear. Evan didn’t think Connor was one to scare easily. Then again, the movie was terrifying.  
One point during the movie, the two were scared as hell and jumped back a bit and their hands met. They looked at each other when that happened but didn’t bother moving their hands. They stayed like that until the movie ended.  
But damn.  
That was a scary ass movie.

“I didn’t know that you would be scared of a clown movie.”, Evan joked. Connor glared at him. “Clowns are the scariest mother fuckers ever.”, Connor said. “You can say that again.”, Evan agreed. They chuckled for a bit. Evan suddenly got a text.

Mom: Hey honey? Why does it seem you didn’t go to school after the doctor’s?

Shit.  
“Oh no. Oh no my mom.”, Evan said starting to panic. Connor sighed, “Shit I’m sorry, Hansen...I’ll take you back. It’s my fault anyways.” Evan shook his head, “No no you don’t have to-”  
“Yes I do. I don’t mind.”  
Connor drove them to Evan’s house and they barely spoke. 

Heidi was sitting outside waiting for her son when she saw the jet black car drive up to their house. She was confused at first, especially when her son walked out of it. But it was explained once Connor walked out as well.  
“H-Hi, mom.”, Evan greeted.   
“Hey. Where were you?”, Heidi asked. Evan turned red and started to fidget. “W-Well um-”  
“It’s my fault, Miss Hansen.”, Connor interrupted. The Hansen’s looked at them. “C-Connor what are you-”  
“Just saying what happened. So I wanted to skip school and when he came back I pretty much made him come with me. I’m sorry.”, Connor finished. Heidi sighed, “Alright, just don’t do it again. You’re welcome to stay for awhile. I have to head to work. I’ll see you guys later. Don’t stay up too late, Evan.” Evan nodded his head and Heidi walked to her car. Connor walked over to Evan. “That went well right?”, Connor asked. Evan shrugged. Connor put his hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Trust me, it’s gonna be fine. Hey is it cool if I do stay over? I’m still spooked out from earlier.”, Connor asked. Evan chuckled, “Ha, yeah you can stay.” Connor sighed with relief, “Thank fuck.”  
They walked in and spent the night eating leftover pizza, watching friends, and joking around. 

A few hours passed and Connor was leaving.   
“You sure you’re gonna be okay?”, Evan asked.  
“Yeah I’ll be fine. Pennywise isn’t real.”, Connor said with confidence. Evan chuckled, “Yeah, you said that the last 2 times. You actually gonna do it?” Connor nodded, “Third time’s a charm. See you tomorrow.”   
“Yeah alright.”  
Connor closed the door behind him. Evan just stood there patiently waiting.   
Connor knocked on the door.  
Evan opened the door and Connor barged in.  
“THIRD TIMES NOT A CHARM CAN I STAY OVER PLEASE?!”, Connor yelled. “Come on upstairs.”, Evan giggled.

God Connor was adorable.

Connor was borrowing Evan’s pajama pants and wearing his hoodie. Evan tried not to blush too hard when he saw Connor. Evan made some for Connor on the bed. Tonight would be awkward.   
They both got in bed and tried their best not to cuddle up with each other. Evan was just glad Connor was wearing a shirt.   
Though Connor was burning alive. “Don’t take off your shirt, Connor. Don’t do it.”, Connor thought.   
~Connor does it~  
To make things even more awkward, Connor took his shirt off.   
His. 

FUCKING SHIRT OFF

Evan tried not to stare at Connor’s bare chest. Fuck. Evan blushed as he turned the other way.   
“Evan, you okay?”, Connor asked. Evan turned back, “Y-Yeah I’m fine!” He noticed that Connor was covering his arms though. In a weird way too. Evan, being too tired to realize what Connor was covering, asked about it.   
“Connor what are you hiding on your arms?” Connor looked like he saw a ghost. “It’s nothing.”, Connor responded. Evan looked concerned, “Seriously are you okay?”   
Not wise words to Connor Murphy.   
“No I’m not ‘okay’. I never am. You should know what this is. Christ of course you don’t know. You’re not fucked up like me.”, Connor snapped, quietly thank god. He immediately looked sorry and guilty once he saw Evans terrified face. “Hey um. I’m. I’m sorry. Fuck I ruined everything. Night, I guess.”, Connor said as he threw his whole body back on the bed. Evan felt so guilty. He even knew what it was but he had to ask? He hated himself more during that moment. They fell asleep, trying to forget what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	6. Halloween costumes and gay thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan needs a Halloween costume. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also not an eventful chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this takes so long!!! Also this chapter isn’t that eventful :/ but next chapter will definitely be  
> ALSO ITS KINDA RUSHED BUT THE FUTURE ONES WONT BE

That morning they both woke up in each other’s arms. They stared at each other and quickly jumped out of bed, red as a tomato. They couldn’t even talk to each other they were so embarrassed. But they forced words out.   
“H-HEY MORNING, H-HANSEN!”  
“G-GOOD MORNING CONNOR!” They both days as they looked for their clothes and started to dress. They went downstairs to grab breakfast but then realized they were already late for school, so fuck that idea. They ran out the door into Connor’s car.   
They sat there, still red as a tomato, questioning everything.   
“Hey so sorry about this morning. You know I’m gay but not for you I swear.”, Connor lied. Evan, kinda crushed, shook his head. “No no it’s fine! If anything I’m sorry about last night…”, Evan said. “Oh yeah…”, Connor remembered. “Look I knew what they were and I was just super tired I’m sorry don’t hate me.”, Evan said. “I could never hate you. But it’s, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it too much.”, Connor said. They just sat in silence for the rest of the speedy drive to school. 

So they were late for class, great. Lunch started and it was kinda awkward. But luckily, Evan (yes, Evan) thought of a conversation starter.   
“So, don’t you like halloween?”, Evan asked. Conor smirked, “Why yes I do. Why?” Evan shrugged, “I don’t know, what are you gonna do?” Connor laughed, “No clue, I wanna go out and get candy but I probably can’t. I could probably get out since Larry and mom won’t be home. I don’t know. What about you?”   
“P-Probably just hand out candy or watch movies at home-”  
“Boring. Come on you can’t just do nothing! We should totally do some shit together like friends do I guess?”, Connor interrupted. Evan chuckled. “And d-do what exactly?”  
Connor thought for a good moment.   
“MY PARENTS WILL BE OUT OF TOWN FOR A FEW DAYS! FUCK MAN LET’S HAVE A GODDAMN HALLOWEEN PARTY!”, Connor exclaimed. Evan turned scarlet with anxiety, “W-Well um...I don’t know. I p-p-probably would ruin it. With m-my anxiety and everything-”  
“Dude you can hide in my room if you want I’ll hang with you.”, Connor interrupted, again. Evan thought for another moment. Pros, spending the night with Connor Murphy. Cons, other people exist and there would be drinking and it would be loud and he’d freak out. Evan looked back at Connor, ready to say no, but he looked at Connor. Beautiful beautiful Connor. A whole night spent with Connor but at a party? Focus on the positive things in life.   
Fuck it.   
“O-okay.”, Evan let out. Connor smiled really wide. Oh my god it was adorable. He looked like a dork. Or a happy carefree child in a depressed teen boy’s body. It made Evan happy.   
“Nice! Okay. Okay okay. Don’t forget a costume or else you’re dead to me.”, Connor joked. Evan chuckled.   
Now he needed a costume too? Fuck.

That night Evan was working on homework, and thinking of what to do for Halloween. God he was clueless. Werewolf? No. Zombie? No. Vampire?..maybe.   
His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a knock on his door.   
“Come in!”  
His mom opened and walked through the door. “Hey honey! Dinner is going to be ready soon!”, His mom said. “Okay, thank you.”, Evan responded. Hi mom smiled a tad, “You okay, kiddo?” Her son put on a fake smile, though he wasn’t feeling the worst that day, “Yeah. I’m good.” He paused for a moment. “Oh uh, mom?”, Evan said as his mom was starting to leave the room. “Yes, honey?”, she asked, with hope he’d open up to her. “Uh, well Connor and I were planning hang out on halloween and uh, I uh, well I need a costume.”, Evan spoke. Heidi smiled a bit more, “Okay. You sure do like hanging out with this Connor kid a lot.” Evan blushed a faint pink, “Y-Yeah. I do.”  
“Are you two planning on a party or something?”, Heidi teased. Evan’s heart dropped. “Oh uh um no.”, he quickly said. Heidi didn’t seem convinced.  
“Yeah. Uhuh. Okay. We can find you a costume then when I’m not busy working. I gotta go finish dinner. I’ll call you down when it’s ready.”, She said. Evan nodded, “O-Okay.”   
Not busy working? Aka, never. So Evan had to find a way to get a costume by himself. He thought for awhile. But his mind ended up on a thought he couldn’t get rid of.

The insanely cool Jared Kleinman. 

\- - -

“You need a what?”  
Evan had approached Jared about the Halloween costume thing. He already was regretting this.   
“I uh, need a Halloween costume.”, Evan repeated. Jared couldn’t help but laugh.   
“Okay so you need a Halloween costume and why exactly?”  
“W-Well uh um, C-Connor and I were planning on hanging out that night and-”  
“Oh! We’re going to Spencer’s!”  
“No! We w-were planning on doing something that night and we need costumes.”, Evan said, keeping the party thing a secret. Jared kept cackling.   
“Okay so you’re approaching me about a slutty Halloween costume costume for you to wear when you and your boyfriend have a bunch of sex on Halloween and fuck the whole night?”, Jared asked. Oh how Evan regretted this.  
“He’s not my boyfriend!”, Evan said back to Jared.   
“Yeah sure.”  
“Okay listen, I just need something, NOT SLUTTY, to wear on Halloween and I can’t find one with anyone else. I’m just looking for help.”, Evan said. Jared sighed, “Look. I’ll go out with you to get a stupid costume for you…”  
“Thank you.”  
“Whatever. When do you want to go?”, Jared asked. Evan shrugged, “Soon I guess. Are you free tomorrow?”  
“Well, I was supposed to hang out with my camp friends, my real friends, but I guess I could hang out with with you for once.”, Jared said. Evan knew he was joking, but it still made him upset. He was friends, well family friends, with him since they could walk. And Jared didn’t seem to give a shit.   
“O-Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”, Evan asked. Jared nodded. “Yeah. I’ll pick you up around lunch tomorrow.” Evan nodded. “Y-Yeah. I’ll see you-”, He started but Jared left while he was talking.  
“-tomorrow…”

\---

The next day Jared arrived at Evan’s house. Evan knew this because he heard a horn outside and him yelling, “GET IN LOSER WE’RE GOING SHOPPING!”  
Evan went into Jared’s car to see Jared already trying to tease him.   
“So are we going to Spencer’s or Party City?”, Jared asked. Evan rolled his eyes, “Anywhere but Spencer’s or else you’re going to have to pay your own car insurance.” Jared was kinda shocked from that comment from Evan.   
“Have you been hanging out with Murphy too much?”, Jared asked. Evan shook his head, “No I’ve just been tired of your shit for too long.”  
Jared was pretty shocked after that.   
“Damn, didn’t expect Evan Hansen to curse, especially at me.” Evan felt a fair amount of pride in himself.

They arrived at the store.   
Jared was looking at the slutty costumes, obviously.   
Evan, was actually looking for a costume for sometime.   
Jared came running back with a costume, a slutty nurse costume meant for women. But fuck gender roles I guess.  
“Jared-I said no slut outfits!”, Evan whined.   
“No no. This is for me. I’m going to crash parties all night on Halloween. Pray for gays.”, Jared said. Best part is that he was serious out of his goddamn mind.  
Evan ignored his friend and continued looking.   
“So, does Murphy have some sort of Halloween kink?”  
“No.”  
“Gonna be a mummy and he can untangle you and fuck you all night?”  
“Jared, there are children near us.”  
“So is that a yes?”  
Evan just wanted to hang out with Jared once without talk of sex.  
Evan eventually picked out a cheesy vampire costume and he and Jared walked out and saw Alana and Zoe walking around the store. A mischievous smile grew on Jared.   
“Look who it is, the true Murphy of your dreams.”, he mocked. Evan blushed and rolled his eyes, “N-No-” he started but Jared cut him off by yelling Zoe’s name.   
“HEY ZOE! ALANA!”  
“JAREDWHYAREYOULIKETHIS-”  
Alana looked over and smiled, “Hello, Jared! Hello, Evan!” Zoe waved hi and smiled a bit. The two were obviously on a shopping date.   
Evan waved hello as well and Jared waltz right over to them.   
“So, how are you two love birds?”, Jared asked. Zoe turned red and formed more of a fist over the handle of the shopping bag. Alana did as well.   
“We are not lovers, Jared!”, Alana said, very unconvincingly. Jared rolled his eyes, “Yeah. Sure. That’s like telling me that Connor isn’t trying to fuck Evan.” Evan quickly turned red and kicked the back of Jared’s heel.   
“He is not!”  
Zoe and Jared chuckled at that. Zoe knew damn well how incorrect that was.   
“Listen, I’m just joking. You know. A joke? Can you take one? Also can you not? Seriously these shoes weren’t cheap.”, Jared spoke. Evan rolled his eyes, “Jared, you’ve had those heelys since 8th grade. You’re famous for it.” Jared, taking a look at them, realizing how old they were, and how they stacked onto the pile of his insecurities, laughed.  
“At least I’m famous for something other than ‘that stuttering Hansen kid’ or the ‘always nervous kid.”, he said. Evan grew hurt as well. Zoe decided to change the topic when she saw the faces of Jared and Evan.   
“So Evan, how’s my psychopath brother?”, Zoe asked.   
“Oh um, he’s fine...he’s fine. Not really a psychopath…”, Evan said. Jared laughed, “How is HE not one?” Alana stepped on his foot which made him yelp in pain. “Jared, don’t say that about Connor. We are very close acquaintances. He’s not that mean. You’re just being impolite.”, Alana said.   
“Thank you, Alana. Seems you’re the only one who isn’t a dick.”, Evan said, muttering the last part. Zoe was getting uncomfortable and wanted to get back to her date.  
“It was nice seeing you two. I’ll see you around! Come on, Lan.”, she said while walking off with Alana’s hand placed in hers. 

“They’re so gay.”, Jared whispered. 

\- - -

Evan had a crush and a halloween costume. If that’s not the 2017 mood, what is?  
Halloween was in two days...and Evan was not prepared. Seriously, Evan Hansen going to a halloween party? Is it the end of the world? Not really. He’d do anything if it meant hanging out with Connor.  
It was Sunday night and Evan was drifting off, until he heard his phone buzz.  
Connor: Hey you awake

Evan jumped to his phone to reply.

Evan: Yeah! What’s up?  
Connor: nothn much just wanted to talk. You’re still ok with having a party?  
Evan: Yep   
Connor: u sure  
Evan: Yeah its cool :)  
Connor: Ok cool cool

Evan fell harder for him with everything he said. They started to talk for a little while.

Connor: I’m gonna sleep now. Night Ev  
Evan: Oh ok. Goodnight Connor!

Evan blushed as he shut his phone off and lay back in the dark. He took his pillow and put it over his face and let out a string of slurs. He was so in love. He fell asleep with the image of Connor in his brain and drifted off into a dream.

In his dream, it was with Connor once more. He was just standing there in front of Evan. Evan was unsure about it at first, but he soon would grow to like it. One second they were smiling, but the next they were making out. Intensely. Tongues down each other’s throats and hands running through their hair. Evan was pinned up against a wall while Connor was running his fingers through Evan’s short and curly strawberry blonde hair. Oh how Evan wished he wouldn’t wake up.   
“I love you, Evan Hansen...but you have to wake up.”  
What  
Did dream Connor just tell him to wake up while they were making out?  
It’s more likely than you think.  
Evan groaned as he woke up to his alarm clock ringing. Time to start the day. He wished he was still dreaming that blissful dream. Or at least it was a reality. Evan quickly got dressed and walked out the door.

Connor woke up at decent time that morning. He actually wasn’t late. He put on his black ripped jeans and his hoodie. He walked downstairs to where his mother was.   
“Oh, good morning, Connor!”, she called out while making breakfast.   
“Morning, mom. What’s for breakfast?”, he asked. Cynthia smiled, “Eggs and bacon. You want some?” Connor smiled as he eyed the bacon.   
“I’ll take a piece of bacon to go. It looks great though.”, Connor replied. Cynthia liked this side of her son. Connor did too. Cynthia handed Connor a piece of bacon and Connor gladly took it.   
“I should probably go. Thanks, mom.”  
“Okay! Have a good day at school honey! Love you!”, she said.   
“Love you too…”, Connor muttered. Cynthia had a wide smile on her face. 

Today was a good day. 

Connor walked out the door and saw the one and only Evan Hansen walking across the street. Should he just slowly walks towards him or yell for Evan?   
Yell for him.   
“HEY, EV!”  
Evan immediately turned to his direction. When he realized it was Connor, he turned red (remembering the certain dream) and smiled and waved. Connor made his way over to Evan. Connor continued to walk with him to school.   
“So, what’s up?”  
“Oh, uh um, nothing! What about you?”, Evan blurted. Connor smiled.   
“Nothing. Just excited for tomorrow.”  
“What the party?”  
“That and it’s the best holiday of the year. But yeah. I’m pretty fucking pumped for the party.”, Connor smiled as they continued their walk to hell.

They walked back to Evan’s house together as well. Making jokes and wishing they could grab each other by their shirts and make out. When they arrived, Connor was relieved because he wouldn’t have to fight his own brain to not make a move.   
“Alright. We’re here. See you tomorrow?”, Connor asked. Evan smiled and nodded.   
“Yup! I’m excited!”, Evan laughed.   
“I am too. Alright. See ya later.”  
“Bye!”

Connor walked away not knowing that tomorrow, both his and Evan’s worlds will change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn’t that good was it? Stick around for chapter 7 soon!


	7. A Halloween party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE FICS BACK!! SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG YALL!! THIS IS LONG AND BAD BUT TAKE IT!!! I LOVE YALL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halloween party time.

Wake up mother fucker it’s Halloween. 

Connor bolted out of his bed. His parents weren’t home for a few days now, it was Halloween, and he was having a party with Evan Hansen. 

What could go wrong?!

Connor woke up especially early so he could put on a fresh new coat of black nail polish. And he couldn’t sleep. Since it was his favorite day of the year, he was extra feisty and put purple on both of his ring fingers. When it was dry, he snuck in Zoe’s room and turned on her lights.   
“WHAT THE HELL?!”  
“RISE AND SHINE, PRINCESS!”  
Connor laughed as he ran back to his own room as Zoe through a light blue pillow at him. Connor got dressed in his normal black attire and got ready for the day for once. 

Evan was awoken by a knock on the door. He groaned as he rolled out of bed. He ran downstairs as he anxiously opened the door. Connor Murphy was standing there.   
“Connor?”  
“Walk to school?”, a very excited Connor asked. Evan smirked.  
“Connor I just woke up.”  
“And I can tell. Go get dressed. Hurry up, man!”, Connor laughed. Evan chuckled and ran upstairs. Connor walked in the house and sat down while Evan got dressed. Connor was chipping his black nail polish when he noticed picture frames shining from the morning sun was starting to rise. He looked up at them and stood up. He walked over to the tall bookcase and looked at the pictures. Pictures of Evan as a child. One picture showed him wearing a Star Trek shirt in a forest. Another was him and Jared as what must've been third graders. One was him on his first day of 4 grade, with the cutest smile with braces. Connor smiled at all of these, they were all so adorable. Evan looked so happy. Then there was a picture of Evan, Heidi, and an older man. It was Evan’s father. Evan’s father who left when he was 7 years old. Evan had a big smile. He was with his family. He didn’t care what was coming in the future. He was happy then and there. The picture not to far from it, was from a year after. He and Heidi. The new family photo. Both Evan and Heidi’s smiles weakened. Evan looked like he was getting bad. Connor’s earlier smile had faded as well.   
“Okay, ready to go?”, Evan asked while walking down the steps. Connor snapped his attention from the photos to Evan.   
“Oh yeah. Let’s go.”, Connor said. They walked out the door into the sidewalk. 

“So what are you going to be tonight?”, Connor asked.   
“Oh, uh, I’m gonna be a vampire I guess.”  
“A vampire?! Evan Hansen?!”, Connor gasped.   
“I couldn’t find anything else! What about you?”, Evan asked. Connor rolled his eyes and giggled.   
“A witch.”  
“A witch?”  
“Yeah. Zoe’s old costume that was too big for her then too. Thought I’d steal it.”, Connor said. Evan was laughing while looking down at the sidewalk. 

The day was relatively boring. No one did anything for Halloween at their school. Connor was the most excited out of the whole school. Connor was skipping in the halls and on the way home. Evan was having a blast watching him.   
They were on their way to Evan’s house to pick up his costume. They still couldn’t believe he was being a vampire. Evan unlocked the door and walked in. Evan ran upstairs and Connor decided to follow. The wooden stairs creaked as the two boys walked up. Connor saw Evan’s bed and cringed from embarrassment remembering their sleepover. But also smiled. Smiled at the comfort Evan gave him. Connor took a seat on the bed while Evan dug for the costume he hid away due to total embarrassment.   
“Why’d you hide it that far in your closet?”, Connor laughed. Evan turned red.  
“Oh uh. Um. It e-embarrassed me for s-some reason? Idunnoishouldnthavegottenitinthefirstplace-”  
“It’s fine, Hansen. Just giving you a hard time.”, Connor said.   
“Oh. S-Sorry.”, Evan blurted.   
“Don’t be.”  
Evan eventually found the vampire costume and they made their way over to Connor’s. They were walking out the door when Heidi came home.   
“Hey, honey! Oh hi, Connor!”, she greeted. Connor waved hello as Evan hid the costume behind him.   
“H-hi mom.”, he said. Heidi saw Evan hide something.   
“Okay what’s behind your back?”, Heidi asked with the mom voice she had.   
“It’s nothing.”, Evan quickly responded. Heidi glared at him. Ah that glare. The special mom glare where they don’t say anything. You just know that you’re in some deep shit.  
“Evan what is it?”, Heidi sternly asked. Evan panicked and threw the costume from behind him into Heidi’s hands.   
“I’msorry”, Evan blurted. Heidi looked back up at him.   
“Honey, what’s so wrong about this? It’s a vampire costume?”, Heidi asked. Evan started to fidget with his fingers.   
“It’s embarrassing to me and you said you were going to help me get one and I didn’t want you to feel bad that I went with Jared and not you…”, Evan mumbled. Heidi realized she never took him like promised.   
“Shit. I said I’d take you to get a costume. Shit. I’m sorry I just-”  
“Had work and class I know.”  
“I really am sorry, Evan, I-”  
“It’s fine.”, Evan interrupted her and he mumbled something that no one could hear, “wasn’t counting on it anyways.” Heidi looked so sorry.   
“Connor and I have to go. I’ll see you later.”  
“Okay, be safe! I love you.”  
“I love you too.”, Evan said. Evan took back the costume and walked out the door. Connor slowly followed. He took a glance back at Heidi, who had her hand on her forehead. She looked so stressed. Connor wanted to help. He really did. He shut the door quietly and caught up with Evan. 

“Hey um. If you don’t mind me asking, what was that?”, Connor asked. Evan sighed.   
“She never at home. She says that she’ll do stuff but never does. I’m used to it by now.”, Evan replied.   
“At least your mom is giving an effort. Mine isn’t. And she’s around. Just be happy she’s trying.”, Connor growled. Evan continued to fidget. Connor regretted it.   
“Shit. I’m sorry it’s just. Your mom seems to care a lot more than mine.”, Connor apologized. Connor started picking at his nail polish already.   
“I-I’m sorry.”, Evan stammered out.   
“It’s fine.”, Connor said. They didn’t talk the rest of the walk to Connor’s. 

They walked in the Murphy’s house. It was bigger than Evan’s. Maybe too big. They shut the door behind them. Zoe ran downstairs as almost on cue.   
“Hey Connor have you seen the-oh hey there, Evan.”, Zoe said, knowing something was going to happen.   
“H-hi.”  
“Hey, Zoe. Where the hell’s your costume?”, Connor asked. Zoe groaned.   
“You’re actually having this party?” Connor chuckled.   
“Uh. Yeah.”, Connor said. Zoe rolled her eyes.   
“No one’s gonna come.”, she told them. Connor glared at her.   
“If you actually stay at the party in a costume, people will stay.”  
“Wait you want me to get in a costume so you can have a lame ass Halloween party?”  
“Yeah now get into a costume.”, Connor said through gritted teeth. Zoe rolled her eyes and walked back upstairs.   
“Not happening.”  
“I’ll invite Alana.”, Connor said. Zoe froze.   
“Now hold on-”  
“Yeah. I’ll call her and tell her about it if you actually stay.”  
“Fuck you.”, Zoe said as she ran upstairs. Connor laughed.  
“Is that a yes?”, Connor yelled.   
“Maybe!”  
Connor smirked at his evil deed and pulled out his phone and called Alana. Connor’s face lit up when she answered.   
“Hello?”  
“Hey, Beck. You busy tonight?”, Connor asked.   
“No I’m not. Why?”  
“I may or may not be having a Halloween party. In which my sister is participating at.”  
“Zoe’s gonna be there?”  
“Yeah.”  
“What time?”  
“6? I don’t know just get in a costume and get drunk.”, Connor said back.   
“I’ll be there.”, Alana responded very quickly. Connor was kind of surprised.   
“Wait what-”  
“I’ll be there.”, Alana said before hanging up. Connor pulled away from the phone. Evan looked concerned.   
“What’s wrong?”  
“Well. Alana is apparently coming. But she seemed off. Very off. That wasn’t like her at all.”, Connor spoke.   
“Are you two friends?”, Evan asked.   
“We worked on a class assignment about Huck Finn in the 10 grade I think. But knowing me I called it Fuck Finn. I also help her out with...nevermind about that. But she considers us acquaintances. So yeah.”, Connor admitted. Evan smiled a bit. Connor and Alana were definitely friends. It was obvious they were. But they never knew that’s what it was.  
Connor shook his head and he put his phone away.   
“Alright. Get in your costume and I’ll get in mine.”, Connor said.   
“O-okay. Sh-should I use your restroom?”, Evan asked anxiously. Connor nodded and showed him upstairs. 

Evan went and got changed in the Murphy’s restroom, trying his best to not look at the mirror. There was tape over the one part of the mirror that had a big crack from when Connor once got pissed and punched it and they never fixed it. Yet at least. Evan finished putting on the stupid, stupid cheesy vampire costume. He groaned by looking at himself. He knew he looked stupid. What he didn’t know was that he was in there for a long amount of time. Long enough for Connor to get worried. Connor walked up to the door and knocked on it.   
“Hansen? You still alive in there?”, Connor asked.   
“Oh, y-yeah! I j-just finished g-getting in the costume.”, Evan said. Evan stumbled out trying not to trip on the long idiotic cape. He opened the door and looked down at his feet. Connor didn’t say anything. Evan looked up at Connor, who was smiling like an idiot.   
“I know it’s stupid you can laugh at me it’s fine I know I look like an idiot and if you don’t want me around you tonight I understand I don’t want you to be embarrassed so go ahead and laugh at me I won’t be upset or anything!”, Evan blurted.   
“Nonono, Hansen, chill. This just made me smile that’s all.”, Connor said. Evan froze and turned white as his green eyes stared at Connor.   
“Oh.”, was the only word he could work out. Connor blushed a light shade of pink and quickly looked down.   
“Jesus your face got so white I thought we had to skip makeup on you.”  
Haha what.  
Evan looked up at Connor.   
“M-Makeup?”  
Connor blinked.   
“Yeah? How have you been spending your Halloweens?”  
Evan looked back down again.   
“I guess I haven’t.”  
Connor grabbed Evan’s wrist and walked him to his room.

Connor’s room wasn’t pitch black like Evan expected. The walls were light gray and some paint was chipping away. On the one wall Connor had spray painted a middle finger. On the same wall there was a “no smoking” sign, surprisingly enough. His bed had blue and plaid covers with dark gray sheets. Next to it was a small black shelf with four cubes that had a shit load of stuff. In the bottom cubes Connor had stored flannel that didn’t seem worn in a long time. The one had a cheap hula girl that you put in cars and an old action figure behind it. A box of cigarettes were sticking out of the shelf there too. There was an old beat up copy of a paperback book there too.   
“You just gonna stand there and inspect my bedroom or are you gonna actually let me put face paint on you?”  
Evan’s attention jumped to Connor. He didn’t realize how long he had been staring. There was so much more stuff he wanted to take a mental note of on his shelf and around his room, but now wasn’t the time.   
“O-Oh! Right! S-Sorry that was weird of me to do I’ve just never been in here so I was just looking around that’s weird I’m sorry.”, Evan blurted out. Connor rolled his eyes.   
“Christ, you apologize a lot. Evan. It’s fine.”  
Evan looked down and started to pick at the skin around his nails once more. Connor instantly attempted to change the subject.   
“Alright, I still need to put my costume on. I just have to slip the witch robe over my clothes I’ll still be in here.”, Connor said, walking to his closet. Evan nodded his head.   
“Oh okay.”  
Evan cringed at his response. Connor pulled out the robe and paused.   
“Hey um. If you could look the other way anyways, that would be great.”, Connor hesitantly asked. Evan, being his oblivious self, agreed and turned the other way. Connor stripped off the black worn out hoodie he always wore and tried to get the robe on as fast as possible. He didn’t want Evan to see it. He didn’t want anyone to see it.   
He didn’t want to see it.   
Connor got the robe on. It was completely black on the outside (shocker!) but completely royal purple on the inside. The hood revealed this, and the sleeves as they were very long.   
“Okay, you can look now.”, Connor said as he was digging out the hat. Evan looked up at Connor.   
Oh.  
My.  
God.  
Evan stared at Connor, who was embracing his inner nerd that night. Connor looked so cute and dorky at the same time and Evan didn’t think that was possible. Well, not with Connor at least. And damn, purple looked good in purple. Connor was putting the hat on. It looked like a regular witch hat, but it had one big purple ribbon around it near the bottom and a small star on a small string off the top of it.   
Evan couldn’t be gayer.   
Connor noticed Evan was looking at him.   
“Stupid, I know.”, Connor admitted. Evan chuckled.  
“No no! It looks great!”, Evan said with a smile. Connor turned a lighter shade of pink.   
“You’re too nice to me, Hansen.”, Connor spoke to the strawberry blonde boy. Connor walked back over to the bed and pulled out face paint and makeup from under his bed.   
“Do you have this here all year?”, Evan asked. Connor smirked.   
“The face paint? Yes. Makeup? No. It’s Zoe’s. I stole it from her and hid it.”, Connor answered. Evan smirked as well and rolled his eyes. 

Connor was putting the face paint on Evan, taking in every detail of his face. Evan closed his eyes and they kept shut since. Connor was making Evan’s face completely white. But not tacky facepaint. Connor was very talented with this, surprisingly. Connor took the brush and now Evan’s eyelids were completely black. He started to draw on a little bit of blood dripping from Evan’s mouth.   
“Done.”  
Connor spoke, making Evan’s eyes flutter open. Connor picked up a small mirror that had been hidden away.  
“Wanna look?”, Connor asked Evan. Evan shook his head.   
“N-no. I’m good! I trust it’s good! Thank you!”, Evan blurted out. Evan just didn’t want to look at himself in the mirror. Ever. Connor could tell something was up. And without Evan saying anything, it was like Connor immediately knew why. And understood. Connor held the mirror in front of his face to do his own makeup. Evan watched Connor apply the makeup and was completely mesmerized by it. The way Connor never broke focus and knew what he was doing so well was just, amazing to Evan. Connor’s makeup didn’t take as long as Evan’s, but it took awhile. Connor was wearing purple lip gloss and had yellow and purple stars by his eyes. He also had black eyeliner on and a mix of black and purple eyeshadow.   
Evan thought he was fucking gorgeous.   
Connor thought he looked like shit. But when did he not think that?

The two were up in Connor’s room until the party started. Laughing about shit and hating the world they lived in, as emo as it sounds. They were having a blast, they forgot about their party they planned. They remembered when they heard a knock on the door. They froze. Connor stood up and started walking downstairs to answer the door. He opened the door and saw the one and only, Alana Beck.   
“Beck? You’re here already?”, Connor asked. Alana nodded.   
“Yes. I am. It’s 6 o’clock. Well, 6:05, but close enough.”, Alana responded. Connor was hesitant. Something was up. Connor was scared to ask. So he did.   
“Beck, you sure you’re okay? You seem off.”, Connor asked.   
“Connor, as much as I appreciate the concern, I am fine. May I come in now?”, Alana bitterly replied. Connor stood there for a moment, not knowing what to say. Connor eventually got out of the way and let her in. Alana immediately walked inside the Murphy’s house.   
“Love the costume, by the way!”, Alana yelled. Connor smirked.   
“Yeah, you too.”   
Alana was wearing an evil scientist costume. And was rocking it. 

Connor went back upstairs to tell Evan it was only Alana. Evan nodded as he started to stand up.   
“Hey. Remember, you can always run up here if you’re feeling anxious.”, Connor said to him. Evan started to fidget.  
“O-okay. But wh-what if p-people are already up here? Or I e-end up staying up here all night? Or-”  
Connor put his hands on Evan’s shoulders. “Evan. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”, Connor stopped. He looked at Evan’s eyes, “You can leave if you want. I won’t make you. I’m not that horrible.”  
“No! It’s s-seriously okay. I just am anxious is all.”, Evan said. Connor nodded as he lead Evan to the door.   
“Besides, Hansen, it won’t be that crazy.”

It was that crazy.   
Zoe told her one friend about it, who spread the word like butter.   
The whole school was there. People who they didn’t know were there. Music was blasting through the entire house. The place reeked of alcohol. People were sticking tongues down throats on every piece of furniture.   
It was horrible.   
Connor didn’t want it to be this crazy. He hoped for a little crazy, but not like this. He was standing in the corner with a red cup watching this all happen. Pure insanity. How did it happen? Who spread the word? Connor went to look for his sister, since she was the more popular one. Connor found her in a crowd full of people dancing and yelling. She obviously didn’t want to be there. Connor took her hand and helped her out. Zoe was dressed up as a fairy. Her dress pink with some green and purple. It had a ruffled skirt that was long as well as light pink. She had some great instagram-like makeup that took forever. Connor took her out of the crowd and took her to the side.   
“Did you tell anyone about this party?!”, Connor asked, trying to talk over the music.   
“WHAT?!?!”, Zoe yelled. She obviously didn’t hear. Connor was very frustrated now.   
“DID YOU TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS?!?!”, Connor yelled.   
“YEAH?”, Zoe responded. Connor covered his face with his hands.   
“THIS IS WHY I DON’T TELL YOU THINGS!”, Connor yelled back. Zoe looked confused. “YOU WANTED A PARTY!”, she yelled back. Connor pointed to the huge crowd invading their house.   
“AND WE GOT ONE, NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT!”, Connor said. His anger and anxiety was rising and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Zoe gave him another confused look. She didn’t understand him at all. Didn’t he want this?  
“WHAT’S YOUR DEAL?!”, Zoe yelled. Connor shot an angry glare at her. Right before he could open his mouth to fight back, she ran off to find Alana. Connor sighed angrily and stormed off to take a minute upstairs. Why did he throw this party, anyways? Did he just love to do things on impulse? Try to make the most of living? Or did he just want another excuse to see Evan? You know what, that didn’t matter. Alana was his main objective at the moment. She wasn’t okay.   
Connor went to check upstairs. He first checked his parents room first, where he found a couple starting to screw on their bed.   
“Get out.”, Connor said gingerly.   
The couple groaned and started to get off each other and Connor left the room. He then checked Zoe’s room. Nothing. Connor slammed the door shut with frustration. He quickly checked the bathroom. There was kids smoking pot in the tub. Connor was tempted to join, but he didn’t. He quickly got out of there. The final stop was the bedroom down the hall, his room. He opened the door to see Evan and Alana sitting on his bed. Evan was sitting there fidgeting with his sleeve of his shirt and Alana, well, Alana looked tipsy. Connor closed the door behind him.   
“Hey. So. This got out of hand.”, Connor said.   
“V-Very.”, Evan quietly responded back.   
“It’s greaaaat!”, Alana slurred. Connor looked at Evan.   
“Has she been this drunk for awhile?”  
“Since she got ahold of the alcohol.”  
Connor sighed. He wish he never threw this fucking party.   
“Okay, Beck? What happened? You’re at a party. That’s not you. And you weren’t acting like yourself earlier. What’s wrong?”, Connor asked. Alana sighed.   
“Sssssometimes life kicks you in the ass and you wake up knowing it’s going to be a bad day. And thennn your anxiety kicks your ass! Then, you try to walk the halls without being called a nerd! Or anything at all! So you need to get awaaaay!”, Alana drunkenly spat out. Connor knew about her anxiety, he knew she overworked herself because of it. Evan didn’t know. So he was definitely listening.   
“Look, Beck. I understand. I know what you’re going through. You’re not alone but Beck, just talk instead. Me. Zoe. Anyone. Just, talk. It seems like this is a good escape, but it’s really not.”, Connor said. Alana looked at him and then hugged him. He hugged back.   
“Thankkkks.”, she spat out. She may be drunk, but it definitely touched her. Evan watched and smiled at the sight. Connor and Alana pulled away. Connor took her drink.   
“Go. Go find my sister and make out with her or something else gay.”, Connor said. Alana giggled and ran out of the room. Connor smirked and looked back at Evan.   
God he was cute.   
“Are you okay?”, Connor asked his friend. Evan nodded.   
“Y-yeah! It j-just got a little crazy for me.”, Evan responded. Connor scooted closer to Evan.   
“Same here.”   
They sat there in silence for a moment.   
“What was I thinking throwing a party?”, Connor asked with a genuine smile on his face. Evan started to giggle.   
“I honestly have no clue!”, he said while giggling. They laughed about how stupid they were for a good moment. When they stopped, Evan talked again.   
“That was pretty cool what you did. For Alana.”, he said.   
“Oh. I guess. I just want her to be happy since she’s obviously got a future. And she deserves it. Everyone deserves it.”, Connor said. Evan nodded.   
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right. You deserve to be happy too. You’re pretty good.”, Evan said.   
“You’re pretty good too.”, Connor responded. They both looked at each other. They looked at each other and the world stopped. Everything, including the two boys, was frozen. Their smiles faded. It was like this for a good minute. They both realized they had moved closer to each other. When they did realize this, they turned red and jumped apart.   
“So, I’m gonna go. Do. Do something.” Connor started, he then looked at Alana’s drink.   
“Yeah. I’m gonna get drunk.”  
“Connor, what? Wait no don’t.”  
And as Evan was talking, Connor was downing the alcohol. Evan was trying not to laugh, but was very concerned at the same time.   
“Connor, stop no don’t-”  
“Shut your face.”, Connor responded. Before they knew it, Connor drank it all. Evan stared at him.   
“Connor. Are. You. Serious.”, he said. Connor threw his arms up in the air.   
“I have zero impulse control!”, he exclaimed with a stupid smile.   
“You’re crazy.”  
“No, I’m getting more to drink.”, Connor responded. Evan tried pulling on his witch robe to pull Connor back. Connor started to fall back but fought back and kept walking. Evan got up and followed him.   
An hour passed and they were downstairs and separated from each other. Oh. And also very drunk. (“Evan? Evan’s drunk? Are you serious?” Yes. Yes he is and I’m very serious.) Evan had seen many people drinking, including his friend. He thought he should maybe try it out.   
Yeah not smart.   
He was super drunk.   
So was Connor.   
Ears were pounding. Lights were flashing.   
And they don’t remember anything else. 

~

Evan woke up. My god it was horrible. Evan forgot where he was. Fuck. Did he have school today? What day was it? Whatever. He was fucking freezing. He started to roll over to get more cozy, when he felt someone next to him and that someone’s arms over them.   
Oh no.   
He tried to see the hands around him but they were in their hoodie sleeve. He turned his head to see the sleeping beauty, Connor Murphy in Evan’s sweater.   
OH NO.   
Evan’s eyes widened as he saw his crush’s arms wrapped around him. He pulled away and gasped. Connor immediately woke up.  
“Mm. Fuck. What-Evan? You’re here?”, he asked sleepily.   
“Y-yeah I guess so!”, Evan asked. Connor put a finger over his lips.   
“Hansen, keep it down?”, he asked. Evan nodded. Connor turned on his phone.   
“Thank the lord we don’t have school today. What happened last night?”, Connor spoke. He went onto insta to see if anyone from school posted anything about the party. If those people were from school. He didn’t follow them, but he knew their names. That’s good enough. Evan went on his phone. Five missed calls from his mom and many texts from both his mom and Jared. He immediately called his mom.   
“Hello?”  
“H-Hey, mom.”  
“Evan where were you!? I was worried sick!”  
“I know. I know. I’m s-sorry.”  
“Where were you!?”  
“I was at C-Connor’s. I fell asleep andijustwokeupimsorry.”  
“Connor’s?”  
“Yes?”  
“I drove by and saw there was quite the party.”  
“Oh.”  
“Were you drinking?”  
“N-no!”  
“Yeah right. I kinda figured it would happen. You’re in high school. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”  
“I know I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”  
“No, Evan it’s okay. I’m at work so make yourself something to eat or order pizza. I left a twenty on the table.”  
“Okay. I’ll s-see you then.”  
“Okay. Love you, honey.”  
“Love you.”  
Evan hung up the phone and turned to Connor. Whose eyes were wide and more pale than usual.   
“Connor are you okay?”  
“Hansen we did something.”  
“What?”  
Evan peered his head over Connor’s phone. What he saw was worse than he was expecting.   
Oh.   
My.   
Lord.   
Evan froze.   
The picture was the two of them, holding their red cups, with their lips attached. Not just a kiss, a full on make out. And it was already viral within their school. And a video of them making out as well was with the photo.   
My god how they were screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very bad!! I know!! But yall deserve another chapter.


	8. Well shit man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two are in quite a pickle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! So this is short and bad. I’ve had soooo much going on in my life, yes school is one of them. I also had writers block. So, this is going to be bad. Sorry it took so long! I’ve just been swamped :// but hopefully I can get back into this. Thanks for still reading!

The two were panicking. A picture of them making out was online. A picture of them sticking their tongues down each other’s throats was online. They were freaking out. Connor was fidgeting with his hair and Evan was picking at the skin around his nails. Connor was cursing under his breath. Evan was having a full on panic attack. Evan, who hasn’t even come out to Connor and has liked Connor for the past year or two, kissed him.  
“S-So, are you a gay drunk then?”, Connor asked.  
“W-Well. Actually. I’m bisexual. S-So kinda.”, Evan responded. Connor’s eyes widened.  
“You’re bi?”  
“Y-Yeah? You’re not biphobic are y-you?”  
“Nonononono! I just. Wow I wasn’t expecting that. Oh my god, this is gonna ruin you!”, Connor exclaimed. “Evan, I’m sorry this is my fault. I’m really sorry.” Evan hugged Connor.  
“Connor, it’s okay. It really is. I don’t know what to do, obviously. But I know that we need to figure it out together.”, Evan said. Connor nodded his head.  
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. Fuck, we’re in trouble.”, Connor said. Evan nodded and looked back at the photo.  
Serious trouble.  
Connor got up to use the restroom. Oh the way, he peeked in Zoe’s room.  
She was snuggling a very worn out Alana Beck. Connor’s eyes widened and then he smiled. He did actually love his sister, believe it or not. He was glad she was happy. While he was in the restroom, Evan decided to actually watch the video of them. They were making out. Very intensely. Like it was their last day on earth. They were on the couch and Evan was sitting on Connor’s lap, practically straddling him. Evan then threw the phone across the bed.  
Connor walked back in the room and saw Evan freaking out.  
“Hey, Hansen are you okay?”, Connor asked. Evan pointed to the phone.  
“Video.”, he whispered. Connor’s eyes widened.  
“There’s a video?”, he asked. Evan nodded. Connor took his phone back and watched them. He watched him and his crush making out. He threw the phone again.  
“What the fuck!? What happened?!”, Connor exclaimed, talking about the video. Evan panicked.  
“I d-don’t know!” Connor started pacing. What are they going to do?

~~~

Connor and Evan were watching tv trying to forget about the situation. Which, obviously, they couldn’t do. Connor was twisting his hair and Evan was biting the skin around his nails again.  
“God, I hate being alive.”, a raspy whisper came from Connor. Evan looked at him.  
“H-hey, it was one accident-”  
“I’ve tried dying, Hansen, this is only making me wish I succeeded even more.”, Connor said.  
“O-oh”  
“You don’t get it, I know. I seriously didn’t think you fucking would.”, Connor snapped back. “Forget I said anything.”  
“I can’t, r-really.”, Evan said. Connor glared at him.  
“Considering we’re both about to be ruined, I hope you fucking do.”, Connor said.  
“Connor, you need to talk to people about this. You’re not happy.”, Evan said. Connor’s annoyance grew.  
“Larry said I only want fucking attention. I gave up asking.”, Connor said.  
“Y-you can’t stop trying to ask. You’re p-parents are actually here.”, Evan said.  
“Yeah, doesn’t mean they like putting up with me. Hansen, this isn’t your place to say something.”  
“W-well you brought it up. I want to help.”  
“This isn’t the fucking time.”, Connor snarled.  
“T-too bad-”  
“Don’t. If you only talk about this then I don’t want to see you. Even though I’ll only see you on social media.”, Connor growled. Evan sat there frozen.  
“Well? What are you going to do?!”, Connor snapped. Evan quickly got up and put his shoes on.  
“I’ll see you at s-school.”, Evan mumbled before leaving. Connor stayed silent. He sat on the couch and took deep breaths, in and out. Well, tried to. He ended up taking the remote and throwing it at their tv. Zoe ran downstairs after hearing the noise.  
“What happened?!”, she asked. Connor sat there frozen. “Did you throw something?”, she asked. He took the pillow and tried to throw it at her. Zoe ran upstairs and slammed her door, knowing that the situation will get worse. Connor sat there and hid his face in his fists and kept squeezing the palms of his hands, forming the shape of the top of his nails. He slowly started to let tears fall.  
He was able to talk about his depression for once with someone who actually cared about him and he fucked that up.  
He fucked up his chance with Evan.  
He fucked up his chance of having a close friend.  
He fucked up.  
After a short while, he got up and walked to his room. He slammed his door shut and collapsed on his bed. Where he would remain for hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop whoop.


	9. Wallowing in loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter of the boys alone in their rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS IS VERY SHORT!!! SUMMER BREAK IS IN A FEW WEEKS SO I MIGHT UPDATE MORE!! Also warning, Connor is very depressed.

“Connor?”  
“Fuck off.”  
“Connor, let me in.”  
“No.”  
“Connor.”  
“I’m not going to fucking try to off myself again.”  
Connor was done. If the universe didn’t fuck with him enough, now everyone had a video of him making out with his crush. Zoe, who had seen the video, was trying to actually approach him. “Maybe now that he has a friend, he’ll be easier to approach?” Nope.   
“Connor, please”  
“FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!”  
Zoe immediately ran off. This was a bad idea. Connor lay on his pillow, which was now wet, regretting his last 24 hours. Everything was catching up to him. All of his insecurities were colliding with his current situation.   
“You stupid fuck. You fucking dumbass. You just had to throw a party. A goddamn Halloween party. Idiot. Fucking mistake. You deserve to die.”   
Connor kept crying. He hated himself. So much. Why was he this way? This had been going on for nearly 3 hours. He looked up at the ceiling.   
Why was he so fucked up?

 

Evan was laying down on his bed. His headache kept him awake. He was going to catch up on hours worth of instagram, but that picture would be there. The goddamned picture. So, instead, he just lay in the dark. Even though what he really wanted to do was to try and remember what kissing Connor was like. He wanted to remember the feeling of the lips Evan would stare at. He wanted to remember his hands in the long, chocolate colored hair of Connor Murphy. But it was such a blur. He also wanted to call Connor. He wanted to ask if he was okay. He wanted to talk to Connor. But he didn’t. Instead, he got a call from someone else. Jared.   
“H-hello?”  
“HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.”  
“Jared, please be q-quiet.”  
“You kissed Connor Murphy?!?! You sat on the lap of the devil?!?!”  
“Drunk…”  
“Still! You kissed him!”  
“Yeah I get it. My first kiss was when I was drunk at a Halloween party with Connor Murphy-”  
“FIRST KISS?!?!”  
“Jared!”   
“Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry.”  
“I just want to know who uploaded it.”  
Silence.   
“Jared, do you know?”  
“…yeah”  
“Who?!”

Connor sat in his room. He kept eyeing the bong as he lay on his head with tears falling off his face. It won’t be the end of the world if I take a hit or two...   
Connor’s phone started buzzing. He glared at it. Who the fuck was calling? He picked up the phone and saw Evan’s contact on the screen. He groaned. He didn’t want to, but he did.   
“Hey.”  
“H-hi..”  
“What’s going on?”  
“I uh. I know something.”  
“Can you fucking tell me?”  
“Iknowwhopostedthepictures.”  
“...what?”  
“I. I know w-who posted th-the pictures.”  
“Who?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm I wonder who


	10. Delete it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The poster is revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It’s moi! Back with another chapter! So it’s summer in a few days for me! I’ll probably be able to post a lot more this summer!! Yay!!!

“Are you fucking serious?”  
“I’m serious. Connor, I…I’m so s-sorry about this and earlier.”, Evan said into his phone. Connor unclenched his fist.   
“I’m sorry I flipped out on you. You were right. Don’t be sorry about this. It was my party.”, Connor confessed. Evan was relieved that he didn’t scream. But they had worse things to worry about.   
“So, what do we do?”, Evan asked. Connor sighed.   
“We should ask him to delete it but it’s already everywhere.”  
“Shit…we can…I don’t know.”  
“I never thought I could hate that fucker more.”

~~~

Jared lay on his bed, dozing off. The previous night had tired him out. He was almost passed out when his phone started buzzing.   
“Yellow?”  
“Fuck. You.”  
“Who is this? Connor?”  
“Damn right it’s Connor. You know, the Connor you took a video of making out with Evan?”  
“Shit.”  
“I was already the outcast, Jared. I was already the one people talked about. Since second grade! I thought the rumors about my goddamn attempts were the goddamn peak of it. But now? It’s this! It’s this fucking mess. So, thanks.”  
“Wait wait wait, what attempts?”  
“You fucking know.”  
“I’ve never heard a rumor about you attempting anything?”  
“Oh…well I guess I was just fucking imagining that too apparently…um, I don’t really care about that shit right now...never mind.But seriously! what the fuck!” Jared took the phone away from his ear. He could tell this was gonna make his ear bleed.  
“You weren’t the only drunk one. Did you think that I posted that sober? Fuck no, man…fuck. Fuck my parents are gonna see it.”  
“I love it when the bastard realizes his mistakes.”  
“My car insurance...I’m gonna have to pay for it.”  
“THE GODDAMN CAR INSURANCE!”  
Jared winced. He knew? Most importantly, it pissed Evan off that much that he told Connor Murphy?   
“I was joking.”  
“Just, just fucking delete it.”  
Jared laughed sarcastically. Did Connor actually think that was an option?  
“It’s too late! It went viral! That shit never gets deleted!”   
( ;) )  
Connor groaned. Nothing was gonna fucking work. Jared wanted this to just go away.   
“Listen, I’m sorry about this but face it, it’s too fucking late, Connor. Everyone knows you had some gay fun at your Halloween party and everyone is gonna remember.”  
And with that Jared could hear a faint cry and a small “fuck everything.” come from Connor before Connor hung up. Jared tossed his phone back on the bed and sighed. Jared wanted to empathize with Connor but he couldn’t understand the mystery he was to most people.   
Attempts.   
Attempts.   
What did Connor mean about attempts?  
He picked his phone back up.   
7:50 pm.   
Sabrina.Patel started following you!  
Sabrina.Patel liked your photo.   
AlanaBeck commented on your post: Hi, Jared. You should probably take this off your profile. Thank you!  
Zoe_stardust replied to AlanaBeck: @AlanaBeck I agree with u. Jared can u please take this down?  
Jared cleared all of the notifications and opened his phone and went through his contacts, which weren’t a lot. He hit the one named Evan.   
“H-Hello?”  
“Hey, tree hugger.”  
“Leave m-me alone-”  
“I actually have a question…”  
“Okay...what is it?”  
“Connor said something about ‘attempts’. What did he mean by that?”  
“Why do you c-care?”  
“I’m a concerned citizen.”  
“Goodnight.”  
“No seriously-”  
Evan hung up. God, what was happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop! Thanks for reading!! I may end this fic in a few chapters. 5 more is my target but it may be longer. I have an au I’d like to write a fic for so...! Yea!


	11. Kids can be cruel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back to school can is worse for some people than others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!! Hope you enjoy the new chapter!!! Also unrelated side note but go see frozen and Mean Girls on broadway thanks

The weekend had passed. Evan and Connor had only checked in with each other through text. With that being their only interaction after the phone call about Jared, they were feeling very anxious about seeing each other.  
Connor put on his signature, worn out hoodie. He looked at his hair and said “fuck it” and left his room. He went downstairs and skipped breakfast-  
“Connor.”  
Shit.  
He was trying to skip breakfast at least. He turned back to see Larry glaring at him.  
“Yes, Larry?”, Connor said through his teeth. Larry hated it when Connor called him Larry.  
“You can’t keep skipping breakfast.”, Larry spoke. Connor rolled his eyes and continued to the door.  
“I’m gonna be late.”  
“Since when do you care about being late for school?”, Larry snapped. Connor was beginning to get pissed.  
“Since when have we actually had a meal together without chaos? Since when have we actually been a functional family? Why do we still fucking try?”, Connor snapped. Connor was probably just going to skip. There’s no reason he should go to school anymore, people usually wouldn’t notice him. Now, everyone is gonna be hunting him down just for the pleasure of making him feel like shit. He most likely was going to skip, but he didn’t want to lose an argument with Larry. Larry looked infuriated.  
“Connor, your mother and I are trying our best to make our family what it was like before…”, Larry started. Connor did not need to hear the rest of this. “Oh, you mean before I was fucking depressed?”, Connor talked back. Larry clenched his fist.  
“Connor, you are not depressed. Stop saying that for attention. It’s getting really old. Just sit down and eat breakfast with your family.”, Larry said. Connor turned back to the door, raising his middle finger to the rest of the Murphy’s. He wasn’t doing this. Not today of all days.  
“Hope you all have a shitty day like I’m already having!”, he said. And with that, he began his horrible day. 

~~~

School was just terrific. Evan was greeted with a note on his locker reading “fag!” That was only the start. He got looks and names. He hid in the bathroom that barely anyone used after fourth period. He locked himself in a stall and started crying. He was there for a long time before someone else walked in. Evan froze. The other person was crying as well.  
“Fuck…dammit..”  
Evan knew that voice. It was Connor. Shocker.  
Evan wanted to say something. Did he dare?  
“C-Connor?”  
Yes. Yes, he did. He always would for Connor. No matter how anxious he was.  
He unlocked the stall and opened it to see a tall, crying boy.  
“E-Evan?”, he whispered. Connor wiped away his tears.  
“How shitty has your day been?”, Connor asked.  
“Pretty fucking horrible…”, Evan murmured. Connor nodded. Evan got up and shuffled over to Connor. They looked at each other and before you know they were hugging. They were hugging in a bathroom. Connor started crying in Evan’s shoulder. Evan didn’t know what to do at first. He wasn’t used to this. He didn’t know what to do. His life was so bad right now and he was so stressed...so, he cried on Connor’s shoulder.  
They stayed like this for awhile. 

 

~~~

Evan sat on the couch in his living room, with Connor on the chair next to him. Evan had invited him over and Connor happily agreed to go. Connor didn’t skip that day. Evan made him want to try to stay. Evan looked at the tall figure. He looked exhausted, sad,confused , and...well, Evan didn’t know what else. He didn’t know what was going through that boy’s mind. He just wanted to wrap him in his arms again and tell him he’s sorry because he just had to become a part of Connor’s life and make it worse. He wanted to kiss him too, but he mainly wanted to apologize for everything.  
“You Okay?”, Connor asked.  
What? Oh, of course not.  
“Y-yeah. Why?”  
“You’re staring.”, Connor said with a tiny smile on his face. Evan turned red very quickly.  
“O-Oh! S-sorry!”, Evan apologized hastily.  
“It’s fine, Hansen. I guess staring is like one of the calmer things we’ve done.”, Connor said.  
Which.  
Okay  
Too soon.  
“I suppose so…”  
They sat in silence as they stared into space, longing for someone to say something.  
~Incoming Call from: Mom~  
Apparently someone meant anyone.  
Heidi called Evan at the perfect time. Connor looked startled by the sudden phone call but he zoned out shorty. Evan answered.  
“H-Hello?”  
“Hi, honey. I’m on my way home.”, Heidi said. Shit. Shit.  
“Oh, y-you are?”  
“Yeah, I actually want to talk to you when I get home.”  
Fuck.  
“Oh,” Evan gulped, “is everything okay?”  
“Yeah I just need to talk to you about something.”, Heidi said.  
Well if this wasn’t just fucking fantastic!  
“Okay, Connor is o-over right now, should he go home?”, Evan asked. Connor looked up at Evan.  
“No no, I suppose he can stay for this.”  
What the fuck does that mean!?  
“Okay, I’ll, um, see you later then.”  
“Bye, honey!”  
Evan hung up his phone. God, why was the universe hating him?  
“Are you okay?”, Connor asked. Evan sighed, “I don’t know. My, um, mom is on her way home and she wants to talk to us…” Evan finished his sentence and hid his face into the palms of his hands. Connor turned even more pale, if that was possible. “I see.”, Connor simply spoke. Evan started fidgeting with his shirt again. The shirt had been fidgeted with for so long it looked worn out. “Hey, stop doing that to your shirt.”, Connor said. Evan immediately stopped as soon as his habit had drawn attention. He didn’t say anything, he was sick of trying to say something. Connor opened up his beige messenger bag and started to dig around. After a minute of digging, he finally pulled out a black, round lump of something. Turns out, it was a stress ball. Connor squeezed it once and then passed it to Evan. Evan looked hesitant to take it.  
“Take it. It’s an extra stress toy I carry around, just in case I destroy my other one. You can have it.”, Connor explained. Evan took the ball. The ball was easily a balloon filled with sand or something a little tougher.  
“Th-thank you.”, Evan squeaked out. “No problem, Hansen. Your shirts are nice and cute and stuff like that makes me gag. You shouldn’t ruin shirts like those…”, Connor blurted. Connor regretted every word. Evan smiled.  
“You’d rather me w-wear black, leather jackets with a shirt that says ‘fuck off?”, Evan joked. Connor’s lips started to turn into a smirk, then a smile with chuckles, then full on hysterical laughter. The image of Evan Hansen as a “bad boy” made him laugh a little to hard. Evan loved it.  
“S-sorry, I forgot to add the part of me on a m-motorcycle.” More hysterical laughter. The two continued to joke around and laugh to the point where Evan was unsure why he needed a stress ball. 

The laughs and giggles stopped when they heard a car in the driveway pull in. Though the smiles still remained. They exchanged soft smiles and kept looking at each other. Their attention went to the blonde woman walking through the door. Heidi was home, unfortunately. Which meant it was time to talk. The boys had said their hellos when Heidi sat down on the couch next to Evan.  
“So, during my lunch break I saw the weirdest thing on Facebook.”, Heidi began. Evan started to play with the stress toy he was given. “It was a video of two boys at a party, and they were kissing and they were quite intimate.”, she continued. The boys froze.  
Shit.  
FUCK.  
Evan was pale and Connor looked petrified. Evan was desperately playing with his stress ball and Connor ended up pulling his out of his bag as well.  
“I looked at it closer before I realized, it was you two!”, Heidi said in a fake, surprised voice. And just like that, the boys wanted to jump off a cliff (more so than usual)  
“So, would you care to explain to me what happened and when you were going to tell me you two were dating?”, Heidi said. The two were about to explain what happened that night (from what they could remember) before they realized what she had said.  
“M-mom, we, uh, w-we aren’t dating…”, Evan mumbled.  
“Y-yeah, I mean, that happened but, we aren’t together at all.”, Connor continued. Heidi looked surprised. “Oh.”  
Evan looked down, “Though, we did through th-th-the p-party.” Heidi looked even more shocked.  
“You, you helped through that party?”, Heidi asked. Evan nodded. Connor couldn’t let this happen. He started fidgeting with the toy and spoke up.  
“It was my idea to throw a party. It was all me. He was in on the plan but...it was mostly my fault. I started to drink a lot and he was curious what it would be like. If anything, this is all my doing.”, Connor said. Heidi took a deep breath. “Thank you, Connor, for admitting to this. Evan, we’ll talk more later. Okay?”  
“Okay…”

~~~

Evan was grounded for 2 weeks. He wasn’t allowed to go anywhere that wasn’t school or therapy. Which really were the only places he’d go. But he wasn’t allowed to have friends over. So Connor couldn’t really hang out at Evan’s.  
But he had a tree outside his bedroom window.  
He realized this when he woke up at 1 am on a Thursday night to banging on the window.  
Evan stumbled out of bed and reached for his hoodie and slipped it on. Evan opened up his windows and saw Connor hanging out on the branch.  
“Hey.”, Connor said with a smirk on his face. Evan just stood there, confused.  
“Uh, h-hey? What are you doing?”, Evan asked. Connor shrugged. “I was bored.” Evan nodded and let Connor in his room. Connor sat down on Evan’s bed.  
“Were you in bed?”, Connor asked.  
“Um, yeah.”, Evan simply responded.  
“This early?”  
“It’s 1 am, Connor.”, Evan responded. Connor looked embarrassed. “Oh.” Evan just giggled at him.  
“Was there something you wanted to talk about?”, Evan asked. Connor hesitated.  
“Yeah, actually...it’s about the party…”  
Evan froze with fear. This fucking party. “Okay…”  
Connor was picking at his black nails.  
“Do you remember anything after we started drinking?”  
Evan thought for a moment. “Why are we talking about this party? It happened and it ruined our lives why can’t we move on?”, he thought. Anyways, Evan kept thinking about it.  
“N-no I don’t. Why?”, Evan responded. Connor sighed and let himself fall on the bed. Evan lay right next to him in the opposite direction, reminding them both of a teenage love story that was totally not making them blush at all.  
“I just wanted to fucking know how it happened. How everything happened that goddamn night. I don’t know, I was just wondering if you remembered absolutely fucking anything.”, Connor said. Evan sighed. “I wish I knew too...I really w-wish we never started drinking.” Connor nodded in agreement. Evan turned his head to face Connor and just stared at him. He gazed at the long, wavy locks that were against the bed beneath him. He looked at the chapped lips and wished he could remember what they felt like. He looked at the multiple piercings in Connor’s ears that just reminded him how Connor was too “edgy” for him and how he’ll never end up with him.  
Connor sat up, leaving Evan to look at nothing.  
“Sorry, for waking you up... I just, I needed to know…”, Connor apologized.  
“N-no no it’s okay!”, Evan said while sitting up.  
“I’m going to get going. Night, Hansen.”, Connor said while climbing out the window. Connor put his hand in the air as a way to wave goodbye.  
“G-goodnight!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	12. Author apologizing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey it’s your least favorite author on this site :’) I’m just. Updating y’all.

Heyyyyyy so i am so sorry if you thought this was an update. I haven’t updated in ages, I know. I’ve been really unmotivated to write lately and whenever I want to write, it’s not this fic. I started high school this year (I started this when I was IN EIGHTH GRADE LAST YEAR AND THE SUMMER BEFORE so that’s why this really started off badly even tho it’s not amazing) so I’ve been trying my best to keep staying on top of that. I don’t know when I will post to this fic again. I have no clue what to do next for it. If you see me post a fic that’s not this, don’t hate me. Plus, I’m not in the fandom of deh as much. Don’t get me wrong, I still love this show and everything it has done for me (recently I saw pasek and Paul and Val Emmich for the deh novel it was amazing!!) and it’s always my number one. But I, of course, like other things. I am not saying i don’t like deh anymore. I love deh to this day. I always will. But there are other things I love, too. So, in summary, I apologize deeply for slacking on writing and I’ve been beating myself up over it. I promise i will start again soon.   
-mars_stars


End file.
